Staying Lovers While Raising Kids
It seems like a different world before your kids came and now it has completely changed. Many parents get freaked out about the sudden change while others just let things flow because they feel helpless. The fact is – you will get busy after babies but the other fact is – the arrival of babies shouldn’t mean the end of your romance.
We cannot deny that the tiny humans in your life who command attention 24/7 will leave you with not much time for yourself, let alone your partner. As much as there is nothing that compares to the joy of being a parent, many couples experience changes in their relationship post having kids. For couples with a new baby, learning to parent, share their home and even their bedroom make up the bulk of their time during the first few months of parenthood. The things get piled up even more. There are more books to read, laundry and chores to do, and there is much less time. Your baby needs constant attention. The nights are busy with multiple feedings, and mornings start very early.
But you have obviously spotted couples who are raising their baby and still share the same love and romance. This is not an impossible mission. To be honest, its not even a mission. It is just getting back to what you were before things grew. You have to remain the older version of couple while you grow with life.
Things Couples Must Keep In Mind
- The key to marital satisfaction lies in how couples manage the decision-making process. It’s not whether the couples have problems, because every couple does. But when babies come along, there are a lot more issues and differences of opinion to negotiate, and a couple’s ability to do so with cooperation and respect can make or break the marriage.
- It’s also important for partners to hear each other’s outbursts without immediately firing back or engaging in blame.
- The frequency of lovemaking declines during the early months of parenthood when mothers especially are exhausted, but we find that most couples’ sex lives rebound within two years. You can still make time for cuddling and doing simple activities together to reconnect.
- Work on issues with your partner when you’re calm, not at 2 a.m., when the baby won’t sleep.
- If parents improve their relationship, they will not only improve the marriage but also become more effective parents.
- Make time for the relationship. You may not be able to afford a sitter or be ready to leave your baby, but you can check in with each other for at least 10 minutes every day. That can be done after you put the kids to bed or even on the phone while you’re both at work, as long as you’re sharing what happened to you that day and how it’s affecting you emotionally. The pace of life today is so frenetic that few couples do this. But marriages are capable of change, and small changes can make big differences.
Things You Can Do For Rekindling The Romance
Here are suggestions for changes that you and your spouse can make to remind yourselves why you got married in the first place.
Make Date-Night a priority
By deciding to go on a date to spend some quality time with your partner, you’re instilling a habit, which will have great benefits for both you, your partner and your child. This may start as a simple coffee date down the street on Saturdays in between feedings when your babysitter or relative can stop by. Eventually, when you’re able to leave your child for a couple hours, your date can evolve into dinner or a movie. The idea is to make alone time with your partner a regular occurrence, one that is prioritized and doesn’t get bumped aside.
The sweet time when you both used to call each other just to hear their voice or to say that you miss them must not be a story of past. Don’t stop the small gestures. Experiment with doing something loving for your partner once a week. This could be leaving a love note on the bathroom mirror or hiding a favorite treat in your spouse’s pocket. These acts of love and kindness don’t take a lot of effort or time, but they do show your partner you love them and you care.
Take frequent strolls for peaceful conversations
Turn your child’s nap time into a romantic walk for you and your partner. The fresh air is good for your child while he is sleeping in the stroller, and you and your partner can enjoy a scenic stroll while having an opportunity to talk.
Healthy Flirting and PDA
There are both types of couples. The ones who are into a lot of PDA or the ones who shy away from it. None of this is wrong and it depends on what kind of thoughts you share. Although, if you are into PDA, just take no more time and start it again. Also, healthy flirting is what every couple need. You can literally start it anywhere and you are good to go.
Take at least ten minutes every day
Don’t go to bed without asking your partner how their day was. It may seem small or stupid but it’s highly important. You may get busy with your schedules and its normal. But with this question you both connect back and share what you experienced in the day and this lets you into each other’s life back again. Talk about small things about the day and make sure you do this every day.
If you really look at it, its not that much of a work. You are basically going back to what you initially had and that is just being the normal couple. Being a parent does not mean the end of a couple. Instead it’s a next step which you have to take while you still hold hands. Be patient with your partner and do not forget to show love.
Also read: Does age gap in relationship really matter?