Is insecurity in a relationship ruining your marriage? Then, this article is for you. Read on to find signs of insecurity, and ways to tackle it.
Everyone likes to feel confident, self-assured, just as they have it all together. And yet, at some point in their relationships, everyone will accept having behaved foolishly (or at the receiving end of such behavior) because they felt threatened. While people in their social lives may be reasonable adults, in relationships they can act quite the opposite. On the basis of this contradiction is the one word that we are all afraid to look into the eye–insecurity.
There is hardly ever a man or woman walking this planet who never felt insecure. And yet, when we feel insecure, we do very little to understand what really happens.
Signs of insecurity in a relationship:
1. Fear of losing your partner:
One sign in a relationship that you feel insecure is the constant fear of losing your partner. Relationship insecurities make you feel like you’re not worth someone’s time, so you find yourself obsessive as to whether your boyfriend really likes you, really enjoys sex, is actually attracted to you, finds you annoying, or wants to leave you for someone else. This fear seems even more justified when you’ve been with your partner through a rough patch where they may have lost your trust.
Without trust, a relationship is doomed. If you’re really concerned that you’re not going to be able to trust your mate, you shouldn’t be together.
In a relationship that is considered healthy, there is a certain level of jealousy. You’re in a committed relationship after all, and you don’t want anyone else to break what you’ve built up. However, there is a point where this healthy jealousy turns into the insecurity that consumes. Common jealousy signs include:
- Spying on your partner
- Constantly questioning the whereabouts of your partner
- Negativity Controlling behavior, such as demanding friendships to end because they make you uncomfortable
- Getting too close or clinging to your partner
- Spite and pettiness, like making a new friend or flirting with someone else just to make your partner jealous.
It is extremely difficult, but not impossible, to overcome jealousy. This sneaky emotion seems entirely justified as long as you’re in the moment, but a great relationship isn’t worth ruining. Learn to let go of some hang-ups and build confidence in a relationship.
Even if you have the passwords for your partner’s email or phone access, your insecurities can’t be silenced yet. Rather than going straight to the device of your mate, instead, you are obsessively checking their social media. You can even google the name of your spouse or check their exes through social media constantly. This can lead to deeper insecurities and unhealthy arguments.
Social media is a notorious killer of relationships, so there is a reason to doubt the ease in which infidelity can occur across networking sites. That said, being consumed on the photos of your mate by every new ‘ like ‘ or being keenly aware of anyone having conversations with them is no way of living.
4. The need for constant reassurance:
Am I appealing? Do you love me? Do you really want to be here with me? Are you being faithful? Why do you still like me?
These are all questions on which insecurities are spurred. If you are unsure about yourself, you may find that you are constantly asking your spouse for validation for reassurance.
It is to be expected that some measure of reassurance from your partner will make you feel special in your relationship, but your conversations should not be consumed. You may consider counseling as a fantastic way to get to know yourself better and learn to love who you are if you feel depressed or need frequent reassurance.
Tips on how to overcome insecurity in a relationship
1. Identify root cause:
Behaviors and/or actions are only a trigger point to dig insecurity from within. Thus, work to identify your insecurity’s root cause and then remove it from your system. Work with a marriage consultant (or just a psychologist) if necessary to make things clearer.
2. Realize – you are hurting your partner:
You hurt an honest person when you question a truly committed and faithful partner because of your insecurity when you doubt their loyalty and fidelity because in your mind you cannot overcome or resolve the doubt. Do they deserve it?
3. Turn your focus anywhere else:
How about not over-analyzing all your partner’s movements, words and behaviors? Turn your detective and focus energies elsewhere! Find something exciting and engaging to do… And cut off some slack from your partner. Realize that your partner is also an individual while being your partner, and just because they chose to be with you, it doesn’t bind them to be 100% transparent with you. Privacy can, and should, even exist in couples.
4. Do things independently:
This line of action works to enhance your self-worth. Realize that you are sufficient in and of yourself and that you don’t need a man, a woman, a relationship, children, a family to justify your existence or how awesome you are. While your identity is given by labels, they also limit it. Make a positive commitment to your me-time–expand your personality, do things that make you happy, and realize that you are more than just a significant other.
You can expect the side effects of reduced stress and increased relationship satisfaction if you let go of insecurity. Try to get more guidance from this article if you are struggling with relationship security.
Also Read: Know The Signs Of A Controlling Relationship